Look, I'm not the worst candidate. That honour belong to Alex Lawson. But I'm also not the best candidate - that would be Jeff Gigachad Leiper. So, why vote for me? Leiper wants to improve OC Transpo and fight to return affordability to housing. Maybe you're thinking, "Well, Mark, I already own a home and I don't take the bus! So that stuff doesn't matter to me because I'm a drooling idiot!" And to that I say: thank you, drooling idiot, for your support! I appreciate that you don't understand how a rising tide lifts all boats, and improving our infrastructure and social safety nets leads to a safer, healthier, more positive community for everybody. I'm glad you don't understand that making OC Transpo will take more cars off the road and improve traffic for everybody. It's great that you somehow don't get the idea that affordable housing, even for existing homeowners, is a good thing - you don't seem to recognize that expensive housing is a corrosive force to our social fabric, eating away at our community until there's nothing left but investors and corporate landlords.
Or maybe you simply don't care about your neighbour. The young person who will never be able to buy a home. The single mother who can't afford a car but who can't rely on our crumbling OC Transpo to get to work on time. The elderly couple praying that their landlord doesn't find a way to evict them from their apartment because any new place they'd rent would cost three times as much. In which case, you're not a drooling idiot - you're a piece of shit. Do I need to underscore the thematic resonance of my name, Mark Buttcliffe? I don't think so - you're capable of connecting the dots. You just don't care. And I'm counting on you.
So here's what I need you to do for me. And I'm still addressing the drooling idiots and the pieces of shit. I need you to carry that dumbass and / or unempathetic energy to the polls, and vote for me, Mark Buttcliffe.
To the Leiper supporters and Leiper-curious: listen up you sexy, intelligent, charismatic devils. Stay home! I can't have you voting to improve the crapital.